1. Decide whether mediation is appropriate for your case and what you want from the process

Not all disputes can benefit from mediation. Usually, the best cases are where both sides desire that the relationship continue in the future, despite the current disagreement. You should also consider what you expect from the mediator, since there are several styles of mediation, ranging from acting as a facilitator, where the mediator does not suggest options or possibilities, to evaluative, where the mediator might offer an opinion on the merits of the case.

2. Finding a mediator

Ask your friends, attorney or even your therapist. While expertise in the substantive area of dispute is not a must, you might feel more comfortable with someone who is familiar with the law governing the disagreement. Referral services such as your local bar association or professional organizations such as the Association for Conflict Resolution or mediate.com are good places to start. Don’t forget to ask whether there is a referral fee.

3. Evaluate the qualifications of the mediator

After you obtain referrals, write, e-mail or call the mediators that you are considering and request information that describes their training as mediators, experience, type of experience and written work. This information might be available on the mediator’s website. Some mediators offer a free initial consultation; don’t forget to ask! Inquire about the mediator’s fee structure and how he or she bills, along with what expenses will be considered your responsibility.Determine whether the mediator belongs to professional organizations and how many mediations he or she has participated in that deal with issues similar to yours. Inquire about confidentiality. Many states have different rules governing confidentiality in mediation, although all generally protect communications by and between the parties in the course of a mediation, or even a mediation consultation. You should know that this confidentiality protection applies to the mediation process and the mediator. Although the parties cannot be prevented from breaching confidentiality, it will be expected that those participating in mediation will honor it.

4. Interview prospective mediators, if possible

Try to speak to the mediator in person or on the phone in order to determine compatibility and personality, as well as the ability to communicate clearly and most importantly, listen. Maturity, sensitivity, integrity and a sense of fair play are critical components of the mediation process and cannot easily be determined via paper or a website. While a sole visit or phone call will not be determinative,remember that first impressions are worthy barometers and if you are not comfortable with the person for the minutes spent with him or her while interviewing, it is unlikely that that uneasiness will dissipate at the mediation.

Quick Summary Mediation: four easy steps

Decide whether mediation is appropriate for your case and what you want from the process

1. What are your goals?
2. What mediation approach do you prefer?
3. What is your timeframe?
4. What is your budget?

Finding a Mediator

1. Ask people and professionals whom you know
2. Inquire at local bar associations
3. Check websites
4. Call referral services

Evaluate the qualifications of the mediator

1. What are her/his fees? Expenses extra?
2. Training as mediator? How recent?
3. Experience: What kinds of disputes? How many mediations? Areas of specialization?
4. Written documentation; is it understandable? Complete? Concise?
5. Does mediator carry liability insurance?
6. What professional memberships, certifications, does he/she belong to?
7. Be certain to require written assurances of confidentiality

Interview prospective mediators, if possible

1. What is her/his approach to mediation -- active in presenting options or a facilitator?
2. Note personality and listening skills
3. Did the mediator understand you, listen well, act neutral, understand the problem, convey respect, and analyze well?
4. Is the mediator able to work with your time frame?
5. Will the other parties agree to the mediator you choose?